Twilight Nursery Rhymes
by unicorn-skydancer08
Summary: All of the classic verses and limericks we know from our childhood, with a major Twilight twist. Not suitable for children, or for anyone who's a Twilight devotee!
1. It's Raining, It's Pouring

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_I came up with the idea of humorously expressing my antagonism toward Twilight in the style of classic nursery rhymes. You know, "Hickory Dickory Dock" and "Ding-Dong Dell" and all that stuff._

_Don't worry, I'll take my sweet time with these, and I'll also make sure to watch what I write. _

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><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer (because, technically, it does belong to her)<strong>

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

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><p><strong><span>1. It's Raining, It's Pouring<span>**

It's raining, it's pouring  
>And Bella is snoring<br>Next to her bed  
>Is her boy, Ed<br>And that's where he stays until morning


	2. Vampire Fairy, Quite Contrary

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_Here it is, number two! Don't worry, I won't bombard you with a hundred poems at once; I won't go shoving these in your faces right and left. I'll just write some here and some there and take my time to post them, one at a time. _

_This one's set to "Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary", and it talks about the whole sparkling issue. I know people have been making a big fuss about whether or not vampires are supposed to "sparkle". My feelings are a mix about it. I'll admit it's creative, but I think Meyer can do better than that. I think she could have done a better job with the research and everything. She even admitted outright that she didn't really take the time to study vampires or werewolves as thoroughly as she should have.  
><em>

_May this serve as a reminder to us authors that if we want a good, believable, likable story, we need to do our homework!  
><em>

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><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer (by law, it is)<br>**

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

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><p><strong><span>2. Vampire Fairy, Quite Contrary<span>  
><strong>

Vampire fairy, quite contrary,  
>Why are you so sparkly?<br>'Cause the author didn't bother  
>To do her research properly<p> 


	3. Mister Ed Cullen

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_I couldn't resist posting at least one more poem today. After this, that will be it for a while. This one is set to "Little Jack Horner". In all the images I've seen of Edward, I have never seen the guy with a particularly cheery expression. _

_Just as Bella goes around with her mouth constantly hanging open, as if she's got a screw loose in her jaw, so does Edward go around looking like he's ready to make a serious dent in something. Sheesh, people, lighten up, will you?  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer<br>**

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

* * *

><p><strong><span>3. Mister Ed Cullen<span>  
><strong>

Mister Ed Cullen  
>All sour and sullen<br>Never once cracking a smile  
>Would it kill the chum<br>To not act so glum,  
>At least every once in a while?<p> 


	4. Fiddle Dee Dee

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_I think it's been long enough that I can post another anti-Twilight nursery rhyme. I've a feeling we're in for another round of Twilight hysteria, since the first half of the fourth movie is due to hit theaters any day.  
><em>

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><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer<br>**

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

* * *

><p><strong><span>4. Fiddle Dee Dee<span>  
><strong>

Fiddle-dee-dee, fiddle-dee-dee  
>Mary Sue's married the Stu Gary<br>They got themselves hitched  
>Though a child was she<br>Mary Sue's married the Stu Gary


	5. Edward Had a Little Girl

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_The longest AT nursery rhyme yet. But after this, that'll be all folks, for now. I don't have any more rhymes to post for the time being anyway. Try to guess which one this is set to, if you can.  
><em>

* * *

><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer<br>**

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

* * *

><p><strong><span>5. Edward Had a Little Girl<span>  
><strong>

Edward had a little girl  
>Little girl<br>Little girl  
>Edward had a little girl<br>Whose life was pain and woe  
>And everywhere that Edward went,<br>Edward went,  
>Edward went,<br>Everywhere that Edward went,  
>The girl was sure to go<p>

He followed her through school each day  
>School each day<br>School each day  
>He followed her through school each day<br>Which was against the rules  
>But in his case, that's just okay<br>Just okay  
>Just okay<br>In his case, that's just okay  
>He's far too old for school!<p>

He would switch from here to there,  
>Here to there,<br>Here to there,  
>He would switch from here to there,<br>But still he lingered near  
>He would wait patiently about<br>Patiently about  
>Patiently about<br>He would wait patiently about  
>Till Bella would appear<p>

Why does she love Edward so?  
>Love Edward so?<br>Love Edward so?  
>Why does she love Edward so?<br>He's a sparkling dead guy!  
>So, what else can Bella do,<br>Bella do,  
>Bella do?<br>So, what else can Bella do?  
>Without him, she'd just die!<p> 


	6. Bella S

**TWILIGHT NURSERY RHYMES  
><strong>

_Long time, no see, folks! Thought I'd given up on this, did you? Quite the contrary, my friends, we still got plenty of AT nursery rhymes coming up. I was just pacing myself, and I didn't want to cram these down your throats right and left. _

_Think you can guess which particular nursery rhyme this one is set to?  
><em>

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><p><strong>Twilight © Stephenie Meyer<br>**

**Poem © unicorn-skydancer08**

_**All rights reserved. **_

* * *

><p><strong><span>6. Bella S.<span>  
><strong>

Bella S. was a damsel in distress  
>And a damsel in distress was she<br>The girl would always get in a great big mess  
>But she had no real cause to worry<p>

For her boyfriend would swoop in and save her  
>And a heck of a Superman was he<br>Oh, there's none so rare, as can compare  
>With a dead guy so literally flashy<p> 


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